2009 will give me the privilege of marrying couples in our church (being a little rural non-conformist this is not something that occurs very often). What a joy and delight! Mrs R and I are just thinking through resources we might use for marriage preparation. Having been given none ourselves, and growing together into an ever more-exalted view of marriage, we are very keen to give these engaged couples a good start. We have already set ourselves some principles for prep:
- even if we have more than one couple getting married near to each other, we are going to deal with each couple individually. Marriage is so important, we do not want couples to be intimidated, especially by some of the frank discussion necessary. If marriages are to be long lasting and successful we must invest the time beforehand in each couple.
- we are going to be firmly Scriptural. Duh! Yet, many marriage prep resources seem to miss out some key ideas and concepts
- we are going to take the classes together
- Married for God by Chris Ash (a simpler version of his larger Marriage)
- Don't they make a lovely couple by John and Ann Benton
- One Flesh by Amelia and Greg Clarke
- This momentary marriage by John Piper
- Lasting Love by Alistair Begg
- Contraceptives: a pro-life guide published by Christian Institute
- God, Sex and Marriage by John Richardson
To be honest, we were hoping to find a good course we could plug into, adapt and creatively use to deliver the teaching. But we have struggled
- There is the ubiquitous marriage course from HTB. It's got some good practical stuff in it, but reading the accompanying book makes us think that it is short on linking this with Scripture and especially on starting with the Atonement as the model for marriage and all that implies
- The Good Book Company produce a short course (4 weeks) but this is aimed at both believers and non believers with a strong evangelistic emphasis (it is good for that). We felt, however, that it is not deep enough for believers getting married.
- are there are other resources you can recommend: courses, material etc?
- or, as we are beginning to think, do we invest the time to write our own?
8 comments:
Dave Harvey's When Sinners Say I Do is a good book designed for marriage prep - obviously from the title it is strong on sin and the cross.
Our church does something written by one of the elders. We did it earlier this year before getting married and it was great. I'm sure I could get hold for you, but the most useful thing about it was not the material, but the fact that they just told us about the struggles of applying the theology of marriage to their marriage (and the joys too) very practically. Also, there was a very useful questionnaire which we had to fill in separately and then discuss together which highlighted our expectations of what marriage would be like.
We got married in October and went through Preparing for Marriage, by Dennis Rainey. It has some painfully American anecdotes and examples through the life of "Bob and Sheila" (or whatever their names were), but it provided a good springboard for our pastor and his wife to work through the material with us.
If it's any encouragement, I would echo what Mo hints at above; the book, to us, was secondary to the pastoral support and insight of the couple leading us through the material with honesty. I would almost suggest that you use some imperfect materials (rather than writing your own) and use it as a springboard for discussion, rather than a manual for married life. I'm glad we didn't have a 'solid' book to use as a reference guide, but rather have the joys and difficulties of married life observed in the lives lived out in the church community - and praying for God's continued grace in our marriage.
Hope that's helpful.
Andy
I agree that we don't want to be too planned - but having a structure to hang off can be a useful tool - especially if time is restricted. Mo - I would love to have a copy of hte questionnaire, is it possible to see if I can have a copy, please?
"Sacred Marriage-What if God Designed Marriage to make us Holy More than to Make us Happy"
by Gary L. Thomas has been a blessing through many 'dangers, toils and snares' in our marriage that I like to recommend.
"Looking up the aisle" by Dave and Joyce Ames gives lots of really practical, biblical advice and questions to talk through as a couple and with those who do marriage prep - we found this really helpful, sadly it's out of print but second hand copies can be purchased from Amazon!
Our Pastor and his wife took us through "No Longer Two" by Brian & Barbara Edwards when we were preparing and have recently used it ourselves with a couple. Do I agree with everything in it? No, but it is a helpful stimulus to conversation. It contains bible studies and questions to accompany each chapter.
We used Mentoring for Marriage by John and Agnus Sturt in our pre-marriage and it was fantastic. The chapters are set up well for being able to read and think about stuff before you get to the meeting and then you can discuss what came up during the reading.
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